Have you seen empathy ripples?
I did. Last week.
Children were playing on the ground and land wars erupted, yet again.
(I am growing increasingly certain that the sensational war news cycle has a role to play in this kind of violent land grabbing behaviour on ground)
They were throwing mud bombs(!) at each other and one of the children got hit on the forehead with a stone. Blood started oozing out.
The child came crying and a lot of bystanders were shocked seeing the blood and the distress. Next wave of children who arrived were the ones who participated in the land grab war. Last to arrive was the one whose shot hit her. Crying hysterically he was very scared.
While, we handled the injured child, dispersed the crowd and sent everyone back to class in reassurance that things were under control two children sat down quietly next to the one who had hurt the other child.
They started a conversation that put a pause in my step and I stood there listening to them.
L: Did you get angry and do it?
K (still sobbing and talking haltingly): Yes, I was very angry
L: You didn’t want to hurt her, right?
K: No, I only got angry
L: When we get angry we can (end up) hurting others. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
X: Yes, you need to watch out for your anger when it comes and remember it has power
K (looking at them): o..okay
X: You are not a bad person, you did something that hurt her.
L: You don’t have to be scared.
X: You need to understand the reason why you did it.
…and they both stayed with him and showed him what they have learned to do and that he matters, no matter what.
Both L and X have had days in the past where they felt misunderstood and lashed out at friends or adults in the environment and yet here they were trying to offer love and empathy to the one who had hurt because they knew he needed it too.
The rest of the children came together to decide how they wanted to play in ways that created peace and joy instead.
What stood out was how the empathy the two of them had received rippled towards the one who needed it the most in the moment and prevented him from going into shame. Instead, it nurtured awareness and accountability towards his own emotions and how it can impact others.
Makes me think how it takes time to create systems that see the whole child and how the indicators look uniquely human when they start to work.